I'm beginning to get tired of this. When will it end? When will all my sufferings end? I'm sick and tired of being in pain. I thought that somehow, someday I'll be numb and get used to the pain that's always around me. But I was wrong. Time after time I got hurt again and again and it always hurts, it always do. And most importantly the wounds that have been inflicted on me always seems to hurt more than the previous one. I know that getting hurt is part of life and that's a fact that no one is able to run away from but if given a choice I really wish to be separated from pain and suffering. I always believed that we live for the sake of love, for the sake of seeking true love, love for friends, love for the things and people around us. And that's what supposed to keep us going when we are down or met with obstacles but now, how am I going to live or love if I'm completely filled with hatred, jealousy and the sense of being betrayed. Now hatred had successfully gain a complete control over me. I hate the things I once love, the trees, the white clouds, the cool breeze, the rain, my life and myself. Call me a weakling or what so ever. I know guys should be stronger and not whine over such stuffs but I think there's always an exception. Maybe I'm weaker than others, maybe all this stuffs are just too much for me, maybe I'm more sensitive, too sensitive.

I've been thinking lately whether I'm in the wrong or whether I do deserve this. Or maybe he had some difficulties in explaining it to me. But after much thinking after trying to place myself in his shoes I still think that I'm not in the wrong! In fact I'm the victim. No one do deserve this, no one. I think he's just running away from problems and he chose to hurt me and the ones around him than to hurt himself. How selfish and cruel can he be. I should have know from the start. Despite being warned by other I still did not take their advises seriously. So now I guess I got to pay the price. Fuck

Many things have happened during this year. I've been hurt pretty much this year compared to others. It's been a bad year for me, very bad. Many changes around me have been taking place, including me. I don't really know if I change for the good or for the worse but I just hope that everything would end soon. Be it this way or that way. I'm really tired of feigning a smile.

Someone, somebody out there please show me a path and guide me for I'm lost....