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Actions speak louder than words

Didn't expect things to turn out this way. I guess there's no point crying over a spilled milk. What done have been done no point brooding over it. No point looking back as it'll only hurt more. Guess I should once again pick myself up and move on. Anyway I've learned that actions do speak louder than words!

Guess I'll be fine in about few weeks time. So no worries! You guys are right the more she see how upset am I over her the happier she is. Who knows she maybe laughing at my foolishness now. I'm just a joke to her. A fool. I'll take this as a lesson and learn from my mistakes. I'll thank her for making me stronger for making me realise how naive and stupid I was. After what had happened, I'll become a stronger person. Trust me! And when I asked you guys to trust me, I really mean it.

I felt like telling myself that a loner is always a loner and no matter how hard I try I'll still be one lonely guy but I guess I'm wrong this time round. Though my friends always don't seems to be there for me when I need them to get rid of the loneliness but I guess they are still there when I needed them the most. They are here to break my fall this time round. They are here to let me see things clearly, here to smack some sense into me. Here to offer me help, here to help me up from this painful fall. Here to share my pain. Thanks guys.

Greatest Thanks to:

Hui Xian-for being my listener ( Sisters )
Khim Cheng-for letting me see things clearly ( Sisters )
Joyce-for being my listener ( Sisters)
Yang Zi-for being my listener ( Sisters )
Jaslyn-for being my listener ( Ex Macdonald colleague)
Vivien-for being there for me ( Ex Gelare colleague )
Wei Ting-for sharing your experience with me ( Friends)
Zi Ling-for being my listener ( Friends)
Kristen-letting me know those are just lies ( Friends)
Qiu Min-for helping me to face reality ( Cousins)

Last but not least special thanks to ZiYi and Mei Xuan. For crying with me when I cried and there to tolerate my temper. As for ZiYi thanks for being there when I'm bored. And to Mike though you did not asked me about what happened but your existence meant alot to me. Thanks.

Lastly, guys give me time. Somethings can't just be forgotten that easily. There's always be memories. Feelings will still linger. I've put in too much this time round so please give me time. Thanks guys......

Yeah right. You don't need a 24/7 then what for you keep telling me how sweet your friends bf is?! Keep telling me how sweet they are, how good they are and how 24/7 they are! You didn't even thought of my feelings. Did I ever compared with you any girls? NO! I love you for who you are not what you are! Yeah right as if you actually considered on my feelings! Do you know how much you posts and words hurt me! And when the hell did I give you bloody attitude! Stop making up stories! The only day I gave you attitude was on monday when I came looking for you after school for patch! My friends are really right all you think about is only yourself! You might as well go back to your Xin Yi I bet you love him very much right! Go crying in his arms! I tried to trust you tried to believe you but you didn't even bother to spare a thought for me!

I'm just a fool

I'm just a fool

I should have known! You weren't actually serious about the relationship! If you were you weren't end it within the forth day. Like you said I'm too naive. You said that I was controlling your freedom by not letting you do this or that. You could have talk to me about it! Well you told others that you did not had a bf similar to my character so you did not know what I'm like and you did not know what to do. Well you think I'm really that experience in a relationship as well!? I tried my best to give you a better life and be the sweetest bf you ever had by asking opinion of others of what I should do and this is what I get in return. I fetch you to school, accompanied you home after school and outings, gave you money when you were short of it, bought you things, told you how much I love you, wrote letters for you and bought flowers for you within a week?! And this is not enough? You said you're that type that who is dependent on bf thats why I stick to you! And yet you said I was controlling your freedom! Well do you think I'm not tired of sticking to you? Remember me telling you that I'm afraid to lose my friends right after I have you by my side? I guess you've forget about everything I've said. I've my own life too. I've have my own friends but in order to make you the happiest gf in the world I sacrifice my friends, my time and my life! You said I stalked you and have you ever thought why did I ever do that? You were avoiding me after break up! Not replying my sms, msn, calls and what so ever so and how do you expect me to find you! The only thing I could do is to wait for your school dismissal! And what about me using ZiYi as a middleman?! I've tried talking to you smsing you as well as calling you but have you answered your calls have you ever replied my message! No! You didn't! I tried to hold back my temper but there's always a limit! I tried to be gentle, understanding and sweet but what have you gave me in return! Nothing but full of pain in the heart! Whats that about being afraid to fall for me as you've been hurt by your exs. Have you ever spare a thought of my feelings all you think about is you! You are so selfish. Or maybe you weren't serious right from the start. I'm just a fool....

Though I've been hurt bad this time round but I won't say I'll not fall in love again because I knew I would. As the feeling of loving someone and to be loved is simply too great to be resisted. Though I've got this feeling that I would not smile again but I'm sure that before I knew it I will laugh and smile. Maybe you are someone whose send by god to let me know whats love is like. Maybe you are sent by him to teach me how to love. Maybe you'll come back to me one day. Maybe I'll try my luck again someday. Maybe......

What was I thinking? I was too reckless! How could I be so stupid to hurt myself! Drinking and smoking wont bring her back! Whose reflection is that in the mirror. What have I become? He's not the Nicholas I knew. A stalker? An idiot? Why am I so immature! Argh. I got to get a grip. Got to stand up on my own feet again. I've got to wake up. I've got to be calm. Got to give her time.

Sorry if I scare you. I wasn't calm enough. Perhaps I wasn't ready. I need time to cool down. I'll ring you up when I'm ready. Maybe I'm really too naive.

Next wed is my birthday!

You make a difference.

"My Heart Was Taken By You, Broken By You And Now Is In Pieces Because Of You"

"Its hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does."

"The hardest part of dreaming about someone you love is having to wake up."

"There is one pain I often feel which you will never know because it is caused by the absence of you."

"I was reborn when you first kissed me. Part of me died when you left me. But now I still live, waiting for the day you return to me."

"If your lucky enough in your lifetime, You'll find someone who truly love you. And if you happen to be one of the lucky few, Don't ever let them go. EVER!!"

This is for ZiYi. "I'm going to leave you, if you don't start acting like you want me to stay, what will you do if I find the strength to walk away?" Remember courage.

"Sometimes it's hard to love someone because you're so afraid of losing them" So its true then.

Thank you. Thanks for the happy times that you've given me. I won't forget the things we did together. I just want to let you know that though the days we spend together are limited but those are my happiest times of my life. Its you that let me know that my tears aren't dried up. I've never been so in love before. Thank you. I hope we are still friends. Like how we used to be.

No matter how far you go, all you need to do is just look back and you'll see me standing here waiting for you. Just a word from you and I'll be back by your side. Thank you....

I love you

FUCK!

Have you ever spare a thought for my feelings? You asked me not to go mia and now looks who is mia-ing. Ya right just come and go as you like. Not considering that there's so many people that's concern and worried about you. I guess you don't even know how much your post has actually hurt me. I tried to be optimistic and tried telling myself that maybe you are just in a foul mood. I tried my best to be understanding, tried to be calm, tried to put on a smile, tried to make you happy and this is what I get. You didn't even bother to tell me that you've changed your blog add. What happened to you!

Dont tell me that ur feelings has faded?

Dear,

What happen? Can you please stop Mia-ing me and come back to me? If u got any problems, lets face it together. Though the two of us has just started not long ago but I'm sure we can overcome the obstacles thats set for us. Really hope to hear from you soon.

Loads of loves and misses

18thAug07

ItsIsaturday so as expected I went for basketball training at Hougang cc. Mike, Junlong, Pak Chong and one of Pak Chong's friends were the only ones there. The rest of our members were late. Most of out players are late sleepers so its kind of expected that we guys will overslept. The 5 of us played for about 3 matches until Jia wei and Irvin came. Just as we were beginning to enjoy our 3 on 3 match it started to rain heavily. So we've got noLchoice but to stop the match reluctantly.

We went to one of the void decks which is just located behind the Hougang cc to slack. From our previous experience we were sure that its going to be a long rain. We chatted and played passing in the void deck. We crack jokes on each other. I was being bullied by Pak Chong! Wonder what had got into him as he kept bullying me today. HeOdisturbed and make fun of me when I'm on the phone and he keeps calling me names. Argh.

After training I went home to bathe and went to met up with Piggy and ZiYi. We took bus 147 to Bugis as ZiYi wanted to buy some stuff. Piggy and I fought hard in the bus and ZiYi was like so left out. When we reach Bugis we stopped at the temple to pay some respectVand after that we shop around Bugis. Around 7 we walked ZiYi to the bus stop and see her off. Piggy and I took the mrt to Dohby to meet up with Mike, Jia Wei, Yan Shan and Pak Chong. Due to some reasons I felt to awkward seeing them. The way they looked at me seems to be so different.

We went to Marina Square to have our dinner, at the same time waiting patiently for the fireworks to start. When the fireworks started we couldn't spot it as we were being blocked by the building. But in the end we manage to get oursleves a spot that could allow us to see some of the fireworks.EThe fireworks were so different from the ones during the national day. They were much more colorful than the ones during national day.

After enjoying the fireworks we went to Cafe Cartel to have our deserts. As the cakes were sold half price after 9pm. Yippee! After deserts we took bus 132 home. Had a great day today! Sorry guys especially Mike. I felt as though I neglected you guys. Cause I was afraid that Piggy would be lonely so I've got toUaccompany her instead.

Felt her touch today. Her hands are so warmth so different from mine. Planted my first kiss on her cheek during the fireworks. Tried to hide my shyness by looking away but not sure if it helps. During the fireworks she told me that beautiful things should be kept deep down in our hearts and to be recalled as memories. Everything started on the 18th Aug 07. Everything seems so unbelievable and unpredictable, just like a dream.

Movie with piggy

As usual I skipped school today, its been ages since I go to school. Arrived at Piggy house around 12pm with 2 set of combo 1 which I bought from long john silver. After lunch we started our little game of wrestling. Those who knows me well will know that I'll keep a distance from girls. But for Piggy I've no idea why would I want to wrestle with her. We wrestled from the living room to her bed room and back to the living room. Tough Fight! The size of hers gave me quite a challenge.

After around 30min of wrestling, Piggy went to pass her mum some stuff at one of the rc nearby. We headed straight for Amk Hub. Piggy and I were wearing casual clothes for basketball so we did not want to travel to somewhere far. We were actually meeting ZiYi after movie for basketball but she canceled it! As expected she was roared by Piggy ( Though pig only oink but Piggy is a scary pig that roar!) . Though its ZiYi fault for canceling the meeting but I sort of pity ZiYi.

So Piggy and I decided to watch 2 movies on the same day as ZiYi ruined our plans for today! We decided to watch "Secret" and "Licenses to wed". While queuing to buy the tickets both of us continued our wrestling. When its our turn to buy the tickets Piggy told me to do the talking. While choosing the seats I asked the cashier why are there two different colors of seats. The seats at the back were colored in red and the others were blue. The cashier told us that the red ones are the couple seats! Piggy and I did not even exchange glances we immediately told the cashier that we will be taking the blue seats at the same time. The situation was so awkward. I can tell that the girl at the cashier was controlling her laughter. I think she took us as a couple as we dress almost alike. Thanks to Ziyi both of us were wearing cap and basketball pants!

We will be catching the secrets at 3pm and the License to wed at 5.05pm. While waiting for the time to pass, we went to arcade. Piggy then suggest that we play the basketball together as in two people sharing the same machine. I agreed. During the first round Piggy and my ball always get into each others way. We were so frustrated at each others clumsiness, there were simply no chemistry between us! She still said that I am taking advantage of her by touching her hands. YUCKS. I hate pigs! LOL. While we were getting frustrated, we let out our aura unknowingly. Before we knew it we were already at stage 3! Unbelievable! Its our first time reaching stage 3. Cool man.

Anyway, "Secret" is really a great movie, its really worth watching. Its so sad and touching till I ALMOST cried. Its almost! I did not cry. Don't believe piggy. She's always crapping. She cried though. She tried not to let me know but I still caught her crying. Its so unbelievable that people like her will cry. Guess everyone have emotions including her! During the show I accidentally make Piggy angry and I had a hard time cooling her down! ARGH!

After "Secret" we went out of Amk Hub as we guys were shivering. As expected Piggy went to have a puff. Its her second stick of the day. I tried my best to restrict her from smoking as too much as smoking is bad for health. So fat still smoke who knows how long can she survive. After finishing smoking we went to catch our second show.

I did not pay much attention to the second show as Piggy kept on distracting me by wrestling and tickling me. Argh. I hate her. She know too much of my sensitive parts. After movie we met up with Yong Rong and ZiYi at hougang point. We had macdonald for dinner. Piggy was like complaining to them and showing the injuries that I had made. Just when they were beginning to side her I showed them mine. They were like WOW! I think they kind of shocked of my injuries. Its few times worst than Piggy and she have thick skins and fats to prevent her from me!

After dinner, we parted with piggy as she has to accompany her friend for a haircut. Yong Rong left not long after Piggy left. So I walked ZiYi home as our house are pretty near each other. On the way home ZiYi told me Mike and the others were saying that I like piggy! Piggy and I knew they would gossip about us when we are not around. To my horror ZiYi asked me if I will fall for Piggy. ARGH. OMFG. NO! HELL NO! I aint falling for her! I hate pigs! I hate fat people as they take out alot of space! LOL. She's gonna kill me after she read this post of mine. GULP*

Thanks to Piggy as she has given me a fun day. Zhu Ba Jie

Being force to post

Its been about 9 days since I've updated my blog. ZiYi and Piggy were like nagging at me to update this rotting blog of mine. Though there are many interesting things happened lately but I was too exhausted to post those stuff up. Celebrating national day, Stay overnight at orchard road, attending birthday party, catching a movie and slacking at East coast were the things I've done during those past few days. Though those activities drained out a tremendous amount of energy from me but I enjoyed for the past few days.

Its been so long since I've enjoyed so much. The o levels are just 2 months away from now so I guess I have limited time to enjoy now. Worst of all I've have not even started studying. Lets pray that history will not repeat.

Anyway, as usual I skipped school today again. Went to have lunch at KFC with Piggy and ZiYi. After lunch we accompanied Piggy to her house then to Hougang mall. After loitering around Hougang mall we decided to slack at one of the void deck near Zi Yi house. Around six Ziyi went home as she got a curfew to meet up with so I went to Hougang green with Piggy. We had or should I say I had long john silver for dinner. After my early dinner I walk that Piggy home and we parted as I've got to go for my Thai boxing class.

Talking about Thai boxing, there's an up coming competition on 14th of September. So I was wondering who's free to accompany me to the competition. As expected we need to buys tickets in order to enter. Its not free!

Thanks to piggy that due to her presence I've not been able to emo for 2 days. And the feeling is so unbearable. Its so difficult for me to emo infront of her as she's always seems to be so hyper. And we seems to have alot to chat about. Unlike that ZiYi whom only talk about Alnin. Can you guys believe it she drink Alnin, eat Alnin, talk Alnin, sleep Alnin and she even breathe Alnin. Argh. That Piggy( oink oink) and I were so sick and tired of it. Just for your information Piggy is one of the friends I made during national day. One more new friend added to my list. In fact I made quite a number of friends for the past few days.

Fly, fly, fly. How I wish to fly above the clouds. Fly away from responsibility. Fly away from loneliness. Breakthrough those unseen barriers around me. Fly to a place where happiness can be found. Fly to where I belong.

I've been quite busy lately as I've got to prepare two back to back birthday celebration. I'm so exhausted for these few days but I'm happy at the same time. So I guess this will be a pretty long post.

Day one. Friday. 3rd August.
Xiuer, Siewling, Eejie and I went to hunt for Pei Jin's birthday present. Siewling, Xiuer and I tried hunting for Pei Jin's present at Plaza Singapura. I was the first to reach and while I was loitering around the mall when Siewling message me. She was lost. She told me that she's out of the mrt but PS was no where to be seen. Can you guys believe it when I found her in the mrt station which was just opposite PS. I couldn't believe how poor her sense of direction is.

Xiuer joined us five minutes later. After searching for her present for an hour in PS we decided to go to Heeren instead. But after wandering around Heeren for about an hour we tried to try our luck in Far East. We managed to get a brandless watch there but we knew that its too simple for a birthday present. So we decided to add more things to the present.

We took the mrt to Ang mo Kio and meet up with Eejie. We spend the entire day in ang mo kio hub looking for what to buy for Pei jin's present. All of us were about to collapse as we wander aimlessly around the mall till night fall. At last we manage to buy a clothes for her. After buying the clothes we went to buy her birthday cake. Before we went home we took some pictures as Xiuer said that I've never took a picture with her before. Unbelievable! Twelve years of friendship and I never ever took a picture with her before. How ironically true!



Took a few shots with Siewling too.



Day two. Saturday. 4th August.
Today's Khim birthday. Regardless of our busy schedule we have really put in alot of effort in planning for her birthday. We went to Vivo to celebrate for her birthday. We planned to have cafe cartel for lunch but it seems that there aren't any cafe cartel in Vivo. So we went to Breeks instead. As expected I ordered half chicken for my lunch. After lunch we went to ben and jerry for our dessert. The ice creams there were nice but the prices were pretty expensive. I personally think that ben and jerry ice creams are much better the ones in Gelare.

After desserts we guys went to the safari pet shop to take a look of the cute animals. The dogs there were so cute and beautiful. I manage to took a few shots there.







One of my favourite breed. The Shih Tzu! Isn't it cute?

After taking some shots at the dogs, we proceed to the birthday plan. Veron left us as she trick Khim that she had to go. Joel who was actually not coming met up with Veron and they went to buy the birthday cake for Khim. I led Khim and the gang to the location where Joel and Veron would pop out to give her a surprise. unfortunately the wind was too big and that gave Joel and Veron a hard time lighting up the candle. We tried to buy time but Khim was already suspecting something fishy. We had no choice but to rush out with the unlit candle and lit it in front of her. After the cutting of birthday cake we let Khim open her present and we did something that she will not easily forget. I planned to post the picture here but if I were her I guess I wont want such pictures to be publish so I guessed I shall not publish it. We let Khim off at about 5 as she got to celebrate her birthday with her primary school friends.


Argh. I was the only one who wore black on that day! And before Joel came they were making fun of me as I was the youngest there.

Just when she thought that the birthday celebration is over, we guys went to Khim house to ambush. We bought a bigger and better cake for her and we manage to get her parents to help by asking her to be back by 12. Everything went well but we did not manage to lit the candle before she open the door. Sad. But its alright as I think that its already a great surprise for her. After celebrating we walk each other home together as there were no more buses.



Day three. Sunday. 5th August.
Though Pei jin's birthday falls on the 6th of August but we move forward the date as we have schools on monday. I and Eejie waited for Xiuer, Pei Jin, Teresa, Joanne and Siewling to arrive at Vivo City. We guys planned to give Pei Jin a surprise as she didn't know that we are going to celebrate her birthday with her. History repeats. Eejie and I both have a hard time lighting up the candles. Most importantly the timing were not right. This cause the chocolates to melt. How disappointing.

But when Pei Jin saw us she was shocked. She did not expected us to pop up in the middle of nowhere. Though the cake were not presentable but I guess she was too overjoyed to care about the cake. After taking a few photos and slacking at Vivo city, we guys went to the hapa villa. We saw how people were treated in hell. And the scene were pretty scary. Infact I think that I would most probably me send to hell cause I've make so many mistakes and created so many sins in my life. Anyway we manage to take quite a number of pictures at hapa villa.

We went to Marina bay for buffet after that. But somehow I did not please with the steamboat as only one side of the stove can be used to cook food while the other side cannot be heated by the flames. So which means we can only use one side of the stove to cook. But I still enjoyed eating with them as its really ages since we hang out together. In fact this seems to be a gathering rather than a birthday celebration.

After the steamboat, we went home as there's school tomorrow. Hope we'll see each other soon. Anyway I took plenty of photos today. I guess they were really please to take photo with me as I used to hate taking pictures.

Here are some of the pictures.





Oh. I just realise one thing. Though out birthday plans always have loopholes but we still kind of enjoy it. Maybe loopholes are part of the reason that make birthday celebration so interesting and fun. I guess most importantly its the thoughts that count. ^_^

I bought 4 out of 5 of Low Kay Hwa books today. I'm somehow attracted to the books of his. They always seems to be so sad, so touching. I've finish reading 2 books of his within a day. They are "YOU ARE HERE" and "I BELIEVE YOU". Both books touched my heart. I really wonder if that kind of love really exist in reality. It make me wanna cherish the ones around me. To those who are attach I'm sure you will learn how to cherish your other half more if you read the book of his. I really wonder if there are any more this type of books around. Books that are so romantic, touching and sad. If there is please let me know.

Anyway, I accidentally hurt my foot during Muay Thai training yesterday. Now its slightly swollen. Wonder when can I become stronger. I'm still too weak. Too weak to protect myself and to protect others. Though I say I don't hesitate to hit a girl but I guess I do hold back. Indeed its easier said than done. Shucks. I earn for more power.

Starting to feel kind of lonely after being alone for so many months. I'm alone most of the time. Always listening to my songs and slacking around my neighborhood. Used to enjoy being alone and thinking about stuff but now I'm feeling so empty; so hollow. Argh! DIE! I'm beginning to emo le. Better go play some games before things go out of hand. Emoing can be very dangerous for people like me!

Darn it. I've got a sudden urge of finding myself a girl.
Bastard.