MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Apologize by Timbaland Feat. One Republic

23Nov07

Was planning to go out with Bel today but as expected she's unable to meet me as she's got other things on. So I tried my luck my asking Ya Ting out. To my surprised she agreed to go out with me. So I met up with her at PS around 6pm and we had our dinner at somewhere opposite Paradize center. After dinner we went to Cathay to catch Beowulf. The funny thing is that I actually bought the couple seats ticket. wtf =.= How stupid can I be?! It's so bloody hell awkward but lucky she did not take it too seriously. Or am I the only one making a fuss out of it?

After the movie we took a walk along Orchard road as I wanted to take a look at the Christmas decorations. After walking for a period of time, Ya Ting brought me to Hard Rock. Both of us shared the Lychee Martini together as we're afraid that we'll be drunk if we had too much of it. During the 30 to 45 minutes of slacking at Hard Rock we guys chatted and listens to the songs sang by the singers there. As its late so I accompanied her home... Don't you guys think too much...

Bon Voyage

24Nov07

It's Saturday so as usual I had my basketball training today. As the sun was quite strong today I suggest that we take off our clothes to make the tones of our body even. In the end almost all of us took off our clothes. Hope that the tones of my body will be even soon as it looks pretty weird with 2 tones of body color. Don't really know if we guys are playing basketball or are we sparring. There are quite a number of injuries on my face?! ARGH! My precious face?! Though I've a couple of injuries on my face but I think it looks pretty cool. Anyway I'm quite happy when they told me that my skills has improve and I can considered to be one of the scorers now. YIPPEE! In Fact I think most of us have improve.

Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be an illusion.

I wish you loved me the way I loved you but then I remembered, my wishes never come true.

For someone out there...

I shall post about something happier this time round as some of my friends have been complaining about my emo posts lately. Anyway work have been fun. Though its tiring but its fun to work with my colleagues. I like almost all of them. There are pretty nice people to crap with. Today I've finally managed to handle 3 bowls of soup at the same time. Though I'm still not really very stable while handling 3 bowls of soup at the same time and at times I'll still tremble but I think its already quite a great improvement. Wonder when can I get my pay!!!!


I'm gonna smile like nothings wrong,
Talk like everything's perfect,
Act like its just a dream,
And pretend she's not hurting me.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only.

Didn't know that you're so afraid of me. Didn't know that to you, I'm so scary. The reason that I get so work up at times because I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to be in a disadvantage situation. You still have yet to learn how to take care of yourself. And the reason I get to frustrated to you at times because my expectation is you is higher than the ones I set for my friends. How ironic. Though I'm you bf but you felt more comfortable and happier with your friends and mike. Though I'm good listener and adviser to others but yet I'm such a failure in my own relationship. I can't even be your consultant as well as your listener. Someone told that those who are a good adviser in a relationship are always a failure in their own relationship. Guess its true. Everything I've said now is meaningless cause its over... isn't it?

Would you prefer to be taken care of or taking care of others?

EXS

No matter how many blood or tears I've shed nothing is going bring you back. Nothing is able to stop the change from taking place. This is reality. No matter how reluctant we are, no matter how upset we are life still must go on. No matter how hurt we are, our wounds will heal someday. Time will heal us though scars will be left. We'll become stronger,better. No matter what I've become, no matter how devastated I am, the sun will still continue to rise from the east and set in the west, flowers will still continue to bloom and wit, there'll still be sorrows and laughters, nothing will be affected by how I felt as I'm just simply too insignificant.

Though she left my world, though they left my world, the footprints she left as well as their's will always here, deep within my heart. Memories with her, memories with everyone of them will not be forgotten. They're memories will always be part of me. They are what makes me what I am today.

As expect it ended within a month. 18days. I really am cursed. fuck No one is to be blame. Someone told me there's no right or wrong in a relationship, its whether if we are destine to be together. I believe fates do plays a part but of course at times we do still need to fight for our own happiness.

We can only become stronger when we have been hurt...

霏雪，
要是我们的相遇是一个美丽的错误，
那么时间会治疗我们内心的伤口。
有一天，你无意间想起我
仍然可以有一点点的幸福
对我来说，就值得了。
takecare... my dear...

19Nov06

I've been pretty busy and tired lately. For now shag is the only word that can be use to describe me. I've been trying my best to adapt to my new working environment. I'm not really a workaholic, lets just say I'm trying my best to earn some allowance. There's so many things I want to do. So many stuff I want to buy but I guess all those stuffs are just empty dreams without money. So I think its better if I manage to get myself some cash. So if I neglected you guys please do understand.

As for those who needs me to be their listener, to lend them a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to be there for them please do let me know. I'll try my best to find some time out of my busy schedule for you guys. Don't feel bad about bothering me or what cause isn't this what friends are for?

Whats love without some heartaches? Stay strong guys. I'll be backing you guys up. No matter what's the choice you guys make, I'll support you guys till the end. JIA YOU!!!

Puppets of love

Quite a number of my friends have been out of relationship lately. I felt so sorry and kind of sad for them. Some of them seems to be quite a great couple so its kind of shocking to found out that they've just broke up. Wonder why must relationships be full of heartaches. Why must there be tears and misery in a relationship? Why can't a relationship be just full of joy and laughter? I know that when there's happiness there will be sadness, when there's light there will always be darkness. Things will always have a positive and negative side. They'll never be separated. I understand that its part of life but I'm just puzzled that why can't life be perfect?

Maybe what makes life so beautiful is because life is imperfect.

Lately I've been thinking about stuffs regarding relationships. I always thought that love is some sacred boundaries that only the chosen ones will be allowed to pass. And those who tries to pass the sacred boundaries by force will be severely punished by having their hearts broken into pieces. But somehow my thinking have changed. To me now love is someone who is able to control our emotions, feelings, affections for each other and even affect the way we think. We're being controlled by love. Love uses us to entertain herself, like the way we're catching the television programme I guessed. Sometimes she enjoys seeing us hurt and at times she prefers a happier ending. Our fate lies in her hands. Simply speaking we're just like the puppets in her hands. We're just the puppet of love. Maybe I'm thinking too much so just take it that I'm crapping.

Things could have been different but I guess somethings are just beyond our control. Changes just keep taking place. We'll never knows what lies ahead of us. Nobody can predict what will happen next. Nobody knows what will we become or what will we be doing tomorrow or a month later. Will things change for good or will it get worse? I'm just too weak to stop these unwanted changes from taking place. All I can say is cherish the present, cherish the things around us and don't start regretting when they're gone.

I just can't stop myself from looking back.... Fuck

13Nov07



Went clubbing at Attica with Mike, Shirley, Mei Xuan, Zi Yi, Alnin, Alvin, Daryl, Alex and Gemaine. Really enjoyed it. All of us were so wild that night. After clubbing we went to slack in Macdonalds. Played some games there and some of them did some really stupid stuffs to entertain us as its their punishment for losing the game. After slacking we guys splitted into two groups as some of them got to go home to catch some sleep as they are working morning shift the next day. Gemaine, Zi Yi, Alex and I cabbed back down to hougang to slack as it will be more convenient for us to go home. We guys managed to crap at the void deck but everything started to emo when I start emo-ing. We left the void deck and went straight home at around 7am I really look forward to the next clubbing session with them.

If it weren't for my ungentlement act Gemaine would not have fall sick. Should have insisted to lend her my cardigan even though she said she's not cold. Stupid me. Guess I know nuts about girls.

Here to update you guys about how things are on my first day of work. First I'm quite relieve that the staff there are quite friendly and sociable. I really enjoyed crapping with them. Though its weekday today but there are still plenty of customers. Especially during the peak hours! I wonder what weekends and public holidays will be like. Just thinking of it makes me shiver down my spine. GULP.

As it's my first day of work today, there's so many things I don't know. I felt as though I'm so useless. Its as if I'm not helping out, instead it seems like I'm creating more problems for them. I don't know if its about my pride but I really hate the feeling of seeking help from others. Its seems that I'm adding more problems to them. It seem as though I'm a kid with the need of some guidance from the adults. It makes me feel so small, so weak, so useless. Really do hope that I can help them instead of them helping me.

6 hours of work and I'm already so shag. I wonder if I can really withstand the fatigue for the entire day. Hope I'll be able to adapt to the environment before I even knew it. Working sure isn't really enjoying than some people expected. It's tiring! Money are sure hard to earn nowadays....

ZZZZZZZZ snore snore

Don't really feel like blogging today so I'll try to make this post sweet and short. Went out with Christabel and Amabel today. Its been quite a enjoying day for me but I'm not sure if they've enjoyed their day.

Tomorrow will be my first day of work in Cafe Cartel. I really do hope that everything goes well. Hope I'll leave a good impression to everyone there and hope that I don't make a fool of myself on my first day of work. I've just been informed that I'm expected to report at 5pm sharp. Argh. Why did they not let me start work at 12 noon instead of letting me start work at 5pm. I don't really like starting work late as it normally means I've got to end work later. I really do hope that they'll allow me to start work earlier instead of letting me start working in the afternoon.

Hope my dear Amabel will treat me like this every single day. Do hope that everything goes well. Let's put or hands together and pray that I'll be successful in whatever I do, be it studies, career, friendship and last but not least relationship....

Nicky-bel woke me up at 6.50am in the morning. Lucky for her if not I'm bound to oversleep. Mike and I waited for Mikey-bel at her block around 7.50am. I was surprise when Nicky-bel actually came along. Didn't really expect her to come. Anyway was pretty amusing to see Mike blushed. Its been ages since I get to see the shy side of Mike.

After training Mike send Mikey-bel to Hougang central while I send Nicky-bel home. Kind of regretted asking them to join us for training as they were pretty bored. Guess I'll not ask them along next time. So inconsiderate of me. As expected Nicky-bel and I did not go out together after training. She's tired and she's not feeling well. Guess its impossible for us to have one enjoyable and proper outing but its alright since I've always used to being alone. So Mike Jia wei, Irvin, Yu Fu and I went to Vivo to slack. Its been ages since we went out together. We've been pretty lame and crazy for the whole day. As expected I did emo for a couple of times but its alright as its common to see me emo. Don't really know why there's so many things that keep bugging me and making me feel so moody. Why can't life be like what I wanted! I've tried to be optimistic and look things in a positive way but I still failed to do so. Guess emo is part of me now......

Hurt myself during training. The injuries seems to be much serious than I actually expected. Hope that my injuries will healed before monday. As I've got rely much on my hands on my first day of work and I would like to leave a good impression for my boss. I'm so bloody anxious about my first day of work!! Hope everything will be fine and go smoothly.


09Nov07

Woke up early as today as Mike told me that he will be coming to my house around 10am in the morning. I've planned to let my parents have a look at his Thai Buddha amulet and in the meantime he can also have a chance to take a look at my father's collection of buddha. Due to some reasons Mike was late and he arrived at my doorsteps with Shirley and ZiYi. As expected he was pretty amazed by the number of Buddha collection my father had. Just for your information I don't really allow my friends to come to my house but as for Mike its a different story.

After having a look at my father's collection of Buddha we guys set off to Beach road. As our objectives of the day was to get ourselves some new clothes. I've prepared $150 for that day as I was somehow planning a total makeover. Instead of wearing baggy jeans I decided to try out the skinny jeans. I planned to get myself a skinny jeans, few clothes to match with my skinny jeans, a cardigan and a pair of shoes for that day. After shopping for an hour or so around Beach road I manage to get myself 2 sets of clothes and 2 pair of ankle socks. The clothes were some how different from the ones I used to wear. As for the socks I managed to get myself a pair of red and purple socks. In fact I think its pretty lame for me to buy those 2 pairs of socks but who cares I like it! Anyway I came across a pair of shoes which actually caught my attention. I really love the shoe as I think it goes pretty well with skinny jeans but its $49! Completely out of my budget so maybe one day I'll return to the shop to get myself that pair of shoes if I ever get to earn enough money during the holidays.

After getting what we wanted in Beach road we bused down to Penisula to continue our hunt for clothes. I got myself a black skinny jeans and a cardigan from the same shop in Penisula which cost $45 in total. Though the shop's pretty small and narrow but I like their service and attitude. After getting what we wanted in Penisula we took a train down to Amk. Managed to get myself a shade, shoe and a necklace for my Buddha amulet. After buying the things we wanted we bused home as we're exhausted. I spent about $130 plus altogether. Though its a tiring day but I really do enjoy it at least I manage to got what I wanted. To our surprise Mike and I bought quite a number of things compared to Shirley and Ziyi. I guess when I say I want to shop I do really shop! Guess I really got to earn back what I spent today during the holidays.

After leaving all my shopping bags at home I rushed to meet Mike and Ziyi as we're going to the temple. To my surprise when they saw me they can tell from my expression that I was piss off. I was surprised that they knew what happen before I even tell them. Was kind of shocked to find her crying. Didn't really know what I've done or what gotten into me. Sorry is all I can say. I'm such a idiot. Maybe I'm not that good after all. Useless me. All I know that I was feeling freaking vexed. Thanks to the help of Mike and Christabel everything is alright now. Reached the temple around 9.30pm but we're late as its closed. Went to Kovan to slack for about 2 hour or so and went to block 631 for a drinking session. Almost got myself drunk but lucky Mike help me with the rest of the alcohol.

Am I expecting too much from her? Am I expecting too much from a 14 year old girl? Am I too inconsiderate? I just hope that things will get better. I'm craving for more care, concern as well as some attention. Hope that I can sense more love from her. I've never felt so insecure before. I love her but does she really love me?
得到人但却得不到心

Nothing much really happen today. Today has been a long and boring day for me. Went to Amk hub to catch a movie regarding about Muay thai. Its called Muay Thai Chaiya. Guess what? I actually went to catch the movie alone. How pathetic can I be? If you guys think its funny laugh for all I care. Its as if I do have a choice! Everyone in the cinema were either in a group or in a pair. So if you guys think I really do enjoy catching the movie alone then so be it.

The movie was somehow quite different from how I expected it to be. There was a few touching scene which almost make me cried. In fact I think tears did roll down from my cheeks. Who cares?! As if anyone would take notice of me. After the movie which lasted about 2 hours I took bus 74 home. During the evening time I went to Punggol Park for a jogging session. Guess I'm really bored. After jogging I went to look for Mei Xuan and Zi Yi to rot with them. I was kind of irritated when ZiYi and Mei Xuan got to go off when I've just arrived.

I don't really know if I should post such stuff on my blog as I'm afraid it will hurt someone. But like what others told me if I do not post the things I wanted to then it'll be meaningless for me to own a blog. Well if my post did offended someone out there I sincerely apologies as I'm just expressing my thoughts and feelings here.

I don't really know if the problem do lies with me or what. Maybe I'm not understanding enough. Maybe I'm too stupid but I just really failed to sense any love, care and concern. Its like I'm too insignificant. Like I'm just a substitution. My heart is crying for christ sake! Does anyone knows? I'm hurt, in pain... I felt so unwanted! Simply tired of feigning a smile. Do YOU wish to help me?

You Are the Ace of Hearts

Youthful and playful, you love life and the world. You have a kind spirit, and you bring happiness to everyone you know. Artistic and bold, you see the world in bright colors. And you certainly aren't afraid to express everything you see and feel. You are sentimental, and your emotions are very deep. You are easily swept away and easily hurt. A gamble you should take: Blackjack Your friends would describe you as: Unique Your enemies would describe you as: Weepy If you lived in Vegas, you would be: An up and coming chef or fashion designer

Finally today I've got the opportunity to understand the true meaning of this song.
Finally I've a chance to know how the writer felt when he wrote this song.
Never did I least expect that I've got a chance to get a taste of this feeling.
For once I've successfully got to bond with this song.
Life still doesn't seems to get better.......at least for me....


So what's the point whether if I'm attach or not I still seems to be single
lonely as ever......

Today suppose to be a great day but not anymore. Everything was ruined. I'm not sure who's the culprit is. Thought things are getting better, thought that maybe I was thinking too much. Everything seems to be so confusing. I'm so lost. What should I do? Or what could I have done? I'm trying my best but it don't seems to be working. Did I not put in enough or what? Why does everyone enjoy hurting me? Am I really so insignificant to everyone out there? The things I'm afraid of seems to be repeating it self! I've tried my best to fight this battle but it don't really seems to help. I hate this feeling. I'm hurt. I'm in pain. This sucks.

Maybe I'm cursed. Maybe its my fate. Maybe I'm just extra..........

Here to update this rotting blog of mine. For some reason sometimes I don't really feel like blogging and sometimes there are things that are inconvenient for me to post in my blog. And sometimes by not being able to post all of my thoughts and opinions in this blog of mine defeats the purpose of having a blog. Anyway enough of my crapping I'm here to let you guys know about how I've fare for my O levels paper. Well as expected I've been flunking all my papers lately! Though the results are not out yet but I think I'll probably get enroll into ITE this time round.

If it wasn't for my curiosity I would be enjoying my day now but I just really got to know the answer. Guess curiosity do kills a cat. I just really wants to know if its still possible for me to trust someone with all my heart. Or is history repeating itself?

"It takes ten years to build up a trust and it take only a moment to destroy it." How true. Or is it "Once bitten twice shy"?

Am I being inconsiderate and not being understanding enough? Am I just being too selfish and over protective? But I know one of the reason is bound to be that I've too little confidence in myself. How can I survive in the long run? Everything always seems to end before I knew it and I don't want it to end now. Be it today, tomorrow or months after tomorrow.

O levels will be over within 2 to 3 days time. Its time for me to get myself a job. Should I try out the Cafe Cartel which is located at PS as my best buddy is working there or should I try out other jobs? Guess I've got not much choice but to work in F&B as I'm looking for a job with flexible hours. There's so many things I need to do during this holiday. Will I be lonely during the holidays or will I be too occupied to know what loneliness is?

I can already tell that Emo days are waiting for me in that long holiday of mine.

Guess something just couldn't be controlled. Somethings are always beyond our control. I've once again cross the boundary of God once again. As expected played with fire and got burn. Maybe I'm not really destined to be a player. Lets just say I've fallen into a deeper hole of darkness than I could ever imagined.